Resonance, eh?

photo Sean Gaskell

A kora is a musical instrument, originating in west Africa, which has 21 strings. Picture a large guitar, only the body is round, made from a large calabash (a variety of gourd) and the strings go straight up from the body, like a harp, not across it, as with a guitar. The strings are played with the thumb and index finger, while the remaining three fingers grip a handle on each side of the instrument. (Sean Gaskell: House concerts 7/15 Bellingham, 7/16 Snohomish. See the end for info)

All those strings make for a good deal of resonance as they vibrate and reverberate so close to each other. Were some of those strings added primarily to increase the resonation?
Increase resonation in order to enhance the sound, the feeling, the beauty of the experience?
How many of us add things to our lives simply to add resonance? To enhance our lives?
Certainly music would one thing, the resonation an obvious aspect, from along a spectrum of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” to “Also sprach Zarathustra.” The origins of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat,” as so often with old folk tunes, are uncertain. The tune and lyrics familiar to us today were recorded in 1881. Then in 1896, Richard Strauss was inspired by Friedrich Nietzsche’s novel, ‘Also sprach Zarathustra,’ to compose a magnificent piece of music which continues to inspire and awe. Most of us are acquainted with the first section of it, the spectacular fanfare, ‘Sunrise.’

When I look at enhancing my life, adding resonation to what I do, and how I process the world around me, music absolutely comes to mind. Meeting new people and experiencing friendships are another ‘absolutely.’ Also, at this time in my life, some important teachers are making a profound impact as I understand more deeply their lessons: Julia Cameron, Steven Pressfield, Angeles Arrien, and Miguel Ruiz.

There is an expression about whether to be a human being or a human doing. A gift from Julia has been me allowing myself to be. I listen to the myriad of birds in my yard, smell the summer air wafting with mown grass and honeysuckle, I hear my cat prancing around meowing his comments to me. Previously, I was busy doing, with no time for such things.

“Be open to outcome, not attached to outcome,” said Angeles. A life-changer when I can do it. Then Miguel’s, “Don’t take anything personally.” Freedom and peace come with this, when I can do it. Peace is a wondrous resonation at this time of my life, when I can appreciate it and be conscious of whether I create it. Or not.

Come – be with us for some wondrous resonation, music, and stories with Sean Gaskell, master kora player. House concert in Bellingham on Saturday 7/15 at Doug & Melinda McLean’s home @ 4 p.m.
In Snohomish on Sunday 7/16 at Rick & Lynda Condon’s home at 4 p.m.
Suggested donation is $15 – $25, no one turned away.
RSVP me at mary@marydessein.com or my facebook page.
See you there ~

Ripples, Lessons, or Both?

Bluebird bike
Bluebird bike
I gave myself permission to buy a bike.
In itself remarkable, as my choice of ultra frugal living these days, a bike is not a necessity. Yet I need exercise. Walking? Naah, too slow.
Yes, there are bikes for sale online. I know nothing about bikes. A friend tells me about a bike shop nearby. When I arrive, I find they don’t sell used ones. Low end new ones are $350. Then of course I need a helmet, tire pump, repair kit, kickstand, plus sales tax, so we are talking close to $500. Nope, not happening.
As I am beginning the trip back home, I hear my phone ding. Of course, I pull over in order to check it, and see Lydia’s text, “I love being divorced.” Oh really? That merited an immediate call. In the course of our conversation, she asked if I’d gone to a local big ‘everything’ store in my bike search. “Why no!” I said, “what a great idea.”

I get in the store, find the bicycles, an employee tells me many of them are on sale. A young couple in their 30’s stroll up. The husband wants a three-wheeled bike with a basket so he can tote groceries and their toddler. While he cute-ifies us riding up and down the aisle, his wife and I examine bikes, their experiences, their opinions on good bikes; a friendly employee comes by and offers to get down the bike that seems the best bet (and it‘s purple!) Another staff member sees it takes four hands to retrieve the bike, and helps him get it down.
After a few minutes of picking out a helmet, seat cover, bike bag, and a tire pump, I take them over to the counter, and come back for the bike. As I roll it up, and look around for a clerk, a man looks at me from the aisle at the end of the glass counter, which is a handgun case, about ten feet from me.
“Are you going to buy that bike?”
With a big smile, I nod.
“May I tell you about that bike? I repair and rebuild bikes.”
“Sure.”
He walks over to me, mid-thirties or so, curly dark hair, caucasian, slightly heavy-set, about eight inches taller than me. He points to the word typed on a clear sticker in black capital letters, FRONT. “See that? It’s because these bikes arrive mostly unassembled. Most of these bikes are pretty good bikes, yet the bikes, and barbecues, are assembled by guys who go from store to store doing that. They have ten minutes per unit. They are rarely bike mechanics. They are assemblers. See right here? This part is on backwards. Here, look at the calipers.”
He closes his hands into fists on the brake handles. “I am squeezing them full on. See, the calipers are not tight on the bike tire.”
“Are you my bike guardian angel?”
“Nope, bikes are how I make my living.”
Moving his hands off the handlebars, he steps back and nudges the derailleur, it wiggles. “This should not be moving like this, even though the unit is a good one. So, if you decide to buy this bike, you’ll need to take it into a bike shop and have it tuned up and some of it re-assembled correctly.”

Oh my.
Not only would I have bought this bike, I would have ridden it with these problems, having no idea that I was making them worse by riding it.
I introduce myself and ask his name.
“Paul.”
People coming out of nowhere to help me: Lydia happy to be divorced, the young man at the bike shop, the young couple, the helpful staff. Then Paul. All moving me forward.
Amazing. When others act in our lives. Assuredly, people have moved in my life, and moved me, whether I wanted to or not. It has been in the last year where I actively recognized where my actions ripple in others’ lives. That is almost a “Duh!” moment as I was a counselor for decades. However, that was my job, which means that I saw some of my impact on others but did not see it on the personal level that I have now begun to.

A real estate deal I was working on last year: it did not pan out to my benefit. I did a ton of work for the owners of the house, nearly all of it they did not know to do (getting an easement which had been erroneously placed on the property removed, a wetland expert out to examine the property; believe me, the list goes on.) In part due to my work, they eventually sold the property for more than they expected, and in part as I stirred the waters to get interest in the property.
Giving a lady who stopped me in the parking lot directions to the highway last week, so she in turn arrived at her destination where people were waiting for her so they could go on with their plans. Leaving an extra copy of the local newspaper for my neighbor, who reads it, talks with a friend, who then takes some action. The dominoes falling once set in motion. And most of the effects, I wouldn’t be able to imagine, for they happen outside my vision and awareness. (As well they should, I have enough trouble getting to sleep as it is.)
So, after owning my new sapphire blue bike a couple weeks, I get on it, helmet securely fastened, and launch out of my driveway. On to a street! I had up to this point only ridden on the paved trail for bikers and walkers.
As I get maybe twenty feet down the street, my seat tips forwards. Stop. Readjust it. Try again. Now I can’t get my foot onto the pedal fast enough, and have to keep restarting. Okay, wobbling forward movement. Seat tips again. Sheesh. I stop and readjust it. Knowing I have to go into the bike shop the next day, I realize this is too dicey an arrangement to ride in the big show: moving cars, 4 x 4‘s, and mini-vans. Before I reach the stoplight, I turn around to head home. As I veer left to get up onto the sidewalk, unable to turn and use the handbrakes at the same time, I nearly slam into my neighbor’s fence, and have to stop with my feet.

Okay, that’s the last straw. I dismount and walk the remaining few feet to my driveway. In years past, I would have been embarrassed.
Instead, the best supervisor I ever had’s adage came back to me, “If you can’t do it right, at least be a lesson.”
Ah, those ripples.

Three Choices

Washington Pass Overlook  photo by Mary Dessein
Washington Pass Overlook photo by Mary Dessein

“See this guy here? That’s the toughest opponent you‘re ever gonna have to face,” Rocky said to Donny, the young wannabe boxer with potential as they looked in the mirror. “When he takes a swing at you, you have three choices: block it, flip it, or get out of the way.”
Persistence. Tenacity. Fear. Commitment. Focus. Focus to the tenth power focus, near to obsession. Possibly it is obsession – it gets the job done.

Tenacity and commitment have big pay-offs: accomplishment, goals met, internal satisfaction. And progress.

Joseph Campbell, ancient Greeks, Amelia Earhart, Charles Haanel, Napoleon Hill, Lady Gaga, and countless others have spoken about pursue your passion till you drop. Then they walked their talk.
Watching Donny run miles, charge up flights of stairs, do hundreds of push-ups, jump rope until he can barely stand up boggled my mind. Yes, people do have that drive, have that intensity, have that clear determination. And it always gets results.

Steven Pressfield talks about how distractions get us away from our calling or our creativity, whatever that might be. Sometimes those distractions can be so cleverly disguised I don’t recognize them: obligations, skill at my day job, perhaps even prestige. So I procrastinate in following my passion, my internal voice. It’s a legitimate delay, right? I’m so good at my job, I can write later on. Underneath that deception, if I look, I’ve agreed it’s better to assuage my uncertain ego and fears, than heed my soul calling.

In a heated moment in the movie, ‘Creed,’ Rocky asks Donny what he’s trying to prove.
“That I’m not a mistake.”

Damn. That hits home. So many of us spending our lives unconsciously trying to prove to the world that we are valuable and worthwhile. I sure have. Yet, it is really ourselves, that familiar face looking back at us in the mirror, that we are trying so hard to prove our value to.
And such a contradiction, as the best way to prove it is to follow our heart’s calling. Live our dream and quit listening to the procrastinator and critic in our head that doubts everything we ever do. Block it.

“Be a good girl. Don’t upset people. Don’t talk back. Do as you’re told. People have to like you. Always respect and never question authority. You have to work hard and show people you’re worthwhile. Intuition is nonsense. Always take care of others; never think of what you need because that’s selfish. Never call attention to yourself and your accomplishments or you‘ll be conceited.”
Any of those sound familiar? One that came to me subliminally as I sure don’t remember hearing this from either of my parents, yet I got it loud and clear, and mercy sakes, has it ever caused me trouble, “Never say no to a man.” Oh my goodness. In thinking about that, I am wondering if I learned that or “Always say yes to a man.” Subtle differences. I suspect it is linked to “Don’t question authority.”

Have you ever been with someone and your insides feel seasick as they insist, “No! No!” yet you get in that person’s car, go to their house, or some other directive that so does not benefit you?
All those mandates issued in my childhood were meant to shape me into a good person and strengthen me for an independent life out in the world, not cripple me. Time to flip them, turn them into something useful to me. “Respect authority that respects me.” “Take care of myself as well as take care of others.” “Work hard yet make sure it is work that serves me.” “Keep myself in balance so I know when to blow my own horn and when to be still.”

Intuition. Fascinating, when in my forties, I realized those gut feelings were always right. My intuition is a meter indicating “Caution. Something’s wrong here. Stop.” It can be small things such as that word feels wrong in that sentence to some activity I had best not do. It is never wrong. Anytime I feel ambivalence or hesitation, my intuition is trying to get my attention.

So then, when to get out of the way. The people I cannot change upset me only if I allow it. Oh yeah, do they ever twist around in my thoughts when I perceive I have been hurt, misunderstood, or discounted. If they’re not paying rent, I need to get them out of my head. When there are people and things I cannot change that can harm me, it is my job to move. Okay, that counts for the ones that can drive me crazy, too. I often have to issue eviction notices many times. It’s not the tenants in my head that won’t leave, it’s me yanking on their coattails, reiterating how they’ve wronged me.

My first choice must be to focus. When I was in college, in my forties, college was my focus. My entire life shifted to accommodate the requirements of classes and study and to facilitate my success. Shazaam, it worked. Persistence. Tenacity. Fear. Commitment. Focus.
When I was swimming four and a half miles a week, yee gods, I rocked. It was persistence, tenacity and commitment. How did those remarkable traits fall away?

For that answer, once again, am I looking in the mirror at my toughest opponent?